your room smells of hookers.
And success
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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