Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize