Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
