This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
