next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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