Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
