i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
