do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize