Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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