Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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