he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
