I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
