dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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