Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
