Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
