Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
3pm strippers are depressing
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
