oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just invented taco cereal.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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