So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize
