I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
