The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
