I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
