i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize