I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
