I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
