My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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