i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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