okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
