i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
