i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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