If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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