Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
