the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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