he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
