just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
