hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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