i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
