I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize