in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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