she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
