Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
