Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
