you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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