You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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