I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
