It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
