he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
