Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
