Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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