I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
