i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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