I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
