just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
