Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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