At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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