Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
