i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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