Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
