i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
