I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
