Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
