Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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