Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
