As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
