Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
