The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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