well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
