if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
