she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
