i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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