wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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