I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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