I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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