No stitches, just platelets and will power
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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