I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
