Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
