i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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