well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
