I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Randomize
