I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
