If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
