Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
