so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
