You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
