the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
