I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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