I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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