Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize