Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
