i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
