I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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