she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
