Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
