I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
