HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
