Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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