OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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