I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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