You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my phone needs a breathalizer
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize