there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
not ubering you a puppy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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