I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
