How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
