My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
