Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
